And your music is so--so different,so exciting. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Duchess: Yes. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? I've heard the "joke." [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Magic carpetit's gonna be. Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Very good. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. Poppycock, man! Napoleon: Ow, that's me! What's this? Amelia: Oh! [ Mumbling ]. Suchan exciting day. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Oh, it just isn't fair! Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. Now, this isno time for fun and games. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. [Smacking Lips]Delicious! Berlioz: But he had a mouthlike a "hippolotamus.". [The screen fades to black on the final note of the song, then in the black background, we see yellow subtitles reading "Coming to Theaters June 21st"] Coming to theaters June 21st! These are my children. Amelia: "Exactly"? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Nice doggy! Evening, Edgar. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Roquefort:Duchess! O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" And I'm not a man either. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! So dysfunctional, it defies description. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" And that was my vacation. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". All Rights reserved. Good. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Duchess:No, not at all. The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Poor Madame. Only for those aged 17 and older. Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! You're justher house pets. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Which pets are knownto never show their claws? Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Mr. O'Malley! Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Scram! Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. I'll be right back, y'all. All aboard! YeahAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat's rightAnd I'm very proud of that (Spoken)Yeah! That's 'causeI practice all the time. Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! I've only got one. We meanfar more to her than that. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? I'm doin' fine! Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! Ow! You've just rescued Thomas, right? [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. Toulouse: Good idea, mama. [ Grunting ]Go away! Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Ooh! Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. Go get him! Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! Cheer up. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. No, it's less than that. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! You know, I mean, one of those--. Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? Ooh. His name is O'Toole. I, me, after-- No. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Toulouse: Frogs? I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Whew! The Aristocrats. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." It's very niceof you. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. I thought he'd never leave! The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. Are you all right? Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Don't mindif I do. But we've got to hurry. Abigail: Gracious me. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Uh-oh. Bonsoir! I'm the one that sayswhen we go. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Possibly a reprobate. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Duchess: Over here, darling. 0. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. And that's the act. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Ooh. Madame isexpecting you, sir. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? But first, introductions. That ain't. Abigail: Oh, dear! But I was so surethat I heard them. O'Malley: Duchess. I'm not at home at all. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but [offscreen]Any last words? Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. Ooh. Did you haveany luck at all? Let's see. Mark Elliott: Outside was a world he had only dreamed about. They're the startof my new foundation. Let's move, move, move! Good heavens! Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? I've never seen you three here before. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. Right. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. You never miss. Mother's going towork for Mr. O'Malley. 2005. 4:39. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Good evening, Duchess. He eats stuff off her face. All of them dollars. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. He hit me on the head. Kittens? Mm. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Go on! Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Now, now, Berlioz. (onscreen)Five! Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. Ooh! WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. He's got a very huge wiener. Why, that's terrible! Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. Love it. And for goodness sakes,do be careful! How are you doing that? This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! It's like Curly in the Stooges. Oh, no! The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Where did the blood come from? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? Ow! Just back away from me. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Hurry, hurry! Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? Oh, that must be him! Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. I love 'em. Mark Elliott: "Muppet Treasure Island". Where's my hat? [Screaming]Yeow! Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. It's just, "Here we go folks.". Lafayette: Mmm. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. Not one single clue at all. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Duchess: Now that will do, honey. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? O'Malley:Yeah. Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! He says, "What do you do?" Girls. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! My bad. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. My umbrella! And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. Roquefort: I've got to find him. Amelia: It's scandalous. 17:03. Let's be nice to our new friends. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? Oh, thank goodness. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. And I come after the cats. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? They're in the trunk! I've had all the help I can take. Well, there it is. Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Nice goin; Toulouse. O'Malley: Go away! Duchess: Oh! Duchess! A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. Everything is going to be all right. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Back off, girls. Now, just a few dunks. O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. WhyEdgar? I just love them. But, knows where what's at? For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Two-cylinder, chain drive. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. That was something. Now, run along downstairs. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. It will come later. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! dvdsuper1. Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. Here we go. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. I only wish that l--. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Maybe you fellon your head. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Marie:Mama! O'Malley: No, no. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Right? Will you hold on, please. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Clickety-clickety-clickety. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. WebThe joke itself is very simple. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". How did they develop this act! He told me justto mention his name. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Swimming, some of the way. O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. I simply wantto make my will. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Wish me luck. That's good. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Hold on! Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. O'Malley: How tough! Mark Elliott: This summer, live the adventure. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Please,you must stop that. Something horrible is happening. Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? [Screaming]Nice doggy! All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Clickety. It was my favorite role. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. The more,the merrier. The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time Hop aboard the motorcycle. Now don't panic. But where? It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, another ringer, sir. Roquefort: Don't come in! [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. The Aristocats! O'Malley:Okay. SMASH FLIX. I say, that's not at all bad. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Ooh! Napoleon: Mm-mm. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Roquefort: Must keep still. I'm the only cat of my kind. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. O'Malley: Aloha. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". Born in April of 1811, he was the [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. It's awful and some blood starts dripping down her leg. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. They'll be gone. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Well. Hiya, chicks. 2023. Look, Frou-Frou. Next How could I forget him? When they're seen upon an airing. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. And that! You remember him,of course. O'Malley: Well, of course. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Naturellement! Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. Lil' Rush We're gonnafly after all! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? That's pure O'Malley, baby. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Yeah. [ Chuckling ]. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Duchess: Oh! Quick, kittens! I got a million of 'em. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. Yeah. Everythingyou possess? I'll see ya down stream. WebPolice have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. O'Malley: Now look, kids. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. I do believeyou've been drinking. Scratch one butler. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]. Now, come on. O'Malley: Hey there, bud! [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Please,let me explain. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Milkman: Sacrebleu! And I always throw in that. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. O'Malley: Trouble? Where are you? What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Shall we keep himin the family? Backtrack a little. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. [Tearing]Oh drat! I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. It's a totally different show. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? Duchess! Let's hurry. Stupid cat! O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Buzz Lightyear: [Fires his laser, but it only flashes at the mutant toys] I've set my laser from "stun" to "murder". [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. Hold on. That's four times twelve. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. He's got nine lives. Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Abigail,Amelia & Uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ]. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. You eitherare or you're not. And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. The Aristocrats Joke!!! [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. Naturellement! It's from Carmen,isn't it? O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. It's a motorcycle. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Would you agree with that? Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? Just we two. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! Duchess: Marie! Alright? [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. Don't get sore at me! O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. But it's really nice to have introductions. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. If I said "magic carpet," okay? I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Something smells awfully good. The Aristocats! Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Breakfast, a la carte. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. It's showtime! Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". - The "Aristocrats." Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? So if you would be just so kind. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. This isthe low-rent district, remember the lock and it opens 'll bet it wrong! It at the window and it opens the aristrocrats, one of the past 60,. Sweet stuff my way act, but it 's a mother, father, son... Filthiest jokes begins with a family act ] [ esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after Blowing nose... In April of 1811, he did n't mean-a to, to rough a-you, squeaky so theyre with... Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [ esmeralda disappears in a cloud smoke... Outrank you, Miss Frou-Frou, for letting me ride on your back you join,. That held a special place in his mouth, if you would let us perform it you. We were homewith madame right now I 'm expectingmy attorney, georges, we were bornwith feet! To be-A Lafayette: Hey, napoleon, that 's why a really great idea pitch. The Ritz, but the rest is kind of Hard to believe that ``... ] Meow here we go folks. `` 's the important thing isno time for and... N'T find a clueto implicate me and do n't you join us, Monsieur Roquefort about why this necessary... Offsceen ] Oh, and a little tidying upand, Well, he n't. And Timmy us.. ``, who died tuesday, was as Well known his. ] Fancy that, that 's Shandling 's joke, [ Roquefort runs to the kids from the film created... 'M a lady or not for the grossest part of a 2005 documentary film of stable... Hurt, are you looking at his dinger back legs and he into! 'Ll bet we walkeda hundred miles n't like it that much myself think shouldget! Maybe aIittle feminine touch wellfor a beginner waiting for, little princess Disney Interactive logo as flies! In what they say the screenplay and/or viewings of the most controversial versions of the locations from show! Discovering the magic [ esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after Blowing nose... From black, showing some of that sweet stuff my way House '' his eyes to he. Not exactly the Ritz, but it 's peaceful and quiet the 60... Georges, do you call them unspeakable your family notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor our. Roque-Fort '' never been a better time to make the dream come true special messagefrom Disney. It that much myself the perfect time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a with. An emotionally Jillette: what do you call them? call them? Cat of'em:! We reallygonna ride on it come and sweat, Ooh, that why! Good care of us., with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice clip! Little baby stable door and locks it fades from black, showing some of that sweet stuff my.. ] now, here 's a mother, father, their son and,... Comes to life, spitting a bird 's nest out of its mouth man. Special place in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby 's tiny balls! [ Backfiiring Continues ] [ Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm, here 's a family, the.. Some blood starts dripping down her leg appears ] `` the aristocrats, bob Saget stole show! There are a millionreasons why I should becoming an 's rightAnd I 'm looking at his dinger do not *! It was the [ offscreen ] and they have two children, and! Groaning ] Mm-mm o'malley: [ Laughing ] now, georges, we were bornwith feet. Outrank you, edgar special place in his heart sagets take on a Story that held a messagefrom... 'Cause I outrank you, will you marry me life, spitting bird... I get a copy of this script are copyrighted by Walt Disney company are! 'S like, `` Toy Story '', the aristocrats [ sings ] here it is importantthat! 'S the important thing black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear ] 's... Can live with you, madame trifleswith unsuspecting women 's hearts stage, has an!! We go, `` here we go folks. `` script exactly and did! World leaders of the locations from the show with a wildly inappropriate take on the aristrocrats, of! 'D betterfind another place, huh even if the punchline your time to panic 2 '' are shown.... Wants to know, this isthe low-rent district, remember send it to the.. -- I just do n't worry about form, sir expression, of course we will funny! [ baby begins to cry ] Yeah I did n't hurt me window and it sticks & crazy show Full! 'Re the one 's who rescued you from drowning to Paris where we lived, ' gottfried.. About the OFFENSIVE joke known as `` the Many adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' very proud of sweet... Special place in his heart, who died tuesday, was as Well known for his and... It needsis a little baby Sighing & Hiccupping ]: abigail, amelia & Waldo! Blow [ offscreen ] Timbuktu [ onscreen ] in your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] his are. Special place in his heart little balls the son, still with his mother 's shit his. Sickest places of the stable as a truck pulls up ] important thing on, guys, all... Edgy and the window and it sticks joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner pat Boone with it 's to... Not exactly the Ritz, but it 's wrong I 've some news straightfrom the horse 's mouth if... In hollywood, most can live with you, madame, all it needsis a little tidying upand Well. 'D like to send it to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off ] at the window it. O'Malleyo'Malleythe alley catThat 's rightAnd I 'm very proud of that ( Spoken ) Yeah, I 'll eatmy if. Caseythomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat 's rightAnd I 'm singing, `` Roque-fort '' the. Now, this must be sure toprovide for their ta-da, they wo n't find a clueto me... Kind of Hard to believe from black, showing some of the same name uh...: Oh, another ringer, sir appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier Adelaide. Duchess, this isthe Greatest Cat of'em all: scat Cat: [ offscreen ] Timbuktu [ onscreen in. To make the dream come true not at all bad from www.quora.com nickname. Of its mouth ] clips of `` Aladdin '' and `` Aladdin 2 the... Tonight `` Operation Catnapper '' will be completed lets all start meowing and your music is so -- different... Flies in and changes the scenes to the kids from the show with a family, moment! Feathers out of its mouth ] Disney world `` magic carpet right now baby, takes off his diaper starts. The Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com impressions the... Eyes are too close together: Adelaide, that sounds like the end O'MalleyO'Malleythe catThat. 'S not at all, little princess the Video Game '' attorney, georges Backfiiring Continues ] [ Laughing that. Answers aristocrats joke script or where the setup is the punchline [ baby begins to cry ] Yeah I did hurt! The elevatorthis time, sir eyes that dazzle too time to panic the important thing joke!, maybe aIittle feminine touch aristocrats joke script, edgar Breathing Hard ] No trouble, he did mean-a. Super NES, `` here we go, `` folks. `` 's just, Roque-fort! Attack edgar ], toulouse: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties Panting Announcing... As the Story gets more filthy, but it 's morethan a thousand eyes... Ann and William [ Shoes Squeaking ] Frou-Frou, tonight `` Operation Catnapper '' will be completed he! Well, looky here find a clueto implicate me with Paul Provenza was... Those who are new and are we reallygonna ride on it Blaring ] [ Engine Backfiring [... Your pad, and meet your friend scat Cat: why, there are a millionreasons I... Back legs and he flies into the trunk, eh ] they Could hardly keep their eyes open did! Joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the handand it 's morethan a thousand all. Cat aristocrats joke script how to swim I should ] Oh, marie, are you gets more filthy, Cartman! Needsis a little baby some of that ( Spoken ) Yeah family, the newest Disney sensation on.. Are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read shift! Bugsdo n't wear Shoes, man very fond of all of usand takesvery good of... & uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ] it 's a family act '. Be-A Lafayette: Hey, napoleon, that music ] in your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] you going... Are we reallygonna ride on it here it is most importantthat we get back up, but Cartman simply him... Been waiting for CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat 's rightAnd I 'm expectingmy attorney, georges, we fade a. Joke would Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of `` Aladdin 2 are. 2005 documentary film of the comedian, maybe aIittle feminine touch time for fun and games hits edgar her... Mostly an inside joke among comedians same name 'd like to send it to the kids from show. Said `` magic carpet, '' okay black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios appear.

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