If I had taken back my husband when he was not repentant and let him live with us, to be abusive to me again and cheat on me again all in front of my son, I would have to answer to God fr that. He thinks that money defines himself. She set an example for her husband without nagging him or leaving spiritual reading material all over the house. Christlike submission looks like being full of the Holy Spirit (Eph. Now I feel like Ive lost all faith and belief., "What if I just stop worrying about God?". As Im walking through this new season, Im reminded of three reasons to forgive. I can imagine that many people are thinking in their head that God would never ask us to walk away from a marriage, but bear with me. I know that I have made mistake when not obeying God (marrying a non believer). (I Peter 3: 1) It will take hard work, and practicing sound principles of healthy relating. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). (A note to unmarried readers: If youre concerned you may be prone to make the same or similar mistakes in your own dating and relationship decisions, you may want to read What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?). I dont want to keep disobeying God by being sexually active and we are not married. She knows that being married to a non-Christian has curbed her involvement in church and Bible study, which she only attends when John is away for work, and she does her financial giving in secret. He was not a Christian before we got married either. I felt that another reason he was with me was because I had helped him out of debt when we first met. We are soon alone in little dark. 'You Raise Me Up' Duet Earns A Standing Ovation From The Judges, 7 Tests to See if Your Worship Is Truly Christian or Pagan, 3 Bad Church Approaches to Good Money Stewardship, 5 Critical Rules to Teach Your Kids to Help Them Stay Safe, 4 Things You Should Know about Jesus Revolution, Jesus on Adultery: Its More Controversial Than You Think, This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright 2023, Crosswalk.com. The point, again, is that the Christian is not to divorce the unbeliever but remain in the marriage. unequally marriage has married i an unbeliever. VIC, Anglican Diocesan Services, Canberra, ACT, Sydney Missionary and Bible College, Croydon, NSW, St Andrew's Anglican Church, Roseville, NSW, Grace West Anglican Church, Glenmore Park and Silverdale, NSW, NSW Court Chaplains Association, Sydney, NSW, Anglican Deaconess Ministries, Sydney, NSW, St Philip's Anglican Church, Eastwood, NSW, Argyll Law, Illawarra NSW, remote work considered, Minchinbury Anglican Church, Minchinbury, NSW, The Anglican Schools Corporation, Middleton Grange, NSW, Riverbank Christian Church, Launceston, TAS, City on a Hill Wollongong, Wollongong, NSW, St James Anglican Church, Turramurra, NSW. When faith is only present via words and not actions, marriages between people who claim . The Bible gives us more stories like that (Exodus 34:16; Ezra 9:115). (Mark 9:24). I've taken three wrong turns, and I am lost. 4:2). Getting to know a person is like peeling an onion. And if that wasnt enough, Scripture goes on to tell believers in exactly your circumstance what you can do about it. Following the birth of their children, they moved to a new town and Louisa was looking for friends. In thirty years of counseling, I havent found many people who really want to change. Deb points out that she hasnt lost her faith on purpose, and it certainly wasnt her desire to hurt her husband or her Christian friends. He says, I AM! Learning to speak the truth in love to my husband has required me to stop seeing the call to submission through cultural stereotypes. Ask God to deliver you from this darkness and he will. It was as though I spoke a foreign language. I don't want to consider divorce (I know God hates divorce). Satan, will fill you with fear, doubt, anxiety, and condemnation. We peel off layers by asking questions. If you marry this man while he is an unbeliever, you will be violating a clear command from God's Word and joining yourself with someone with whom you share no spiritual common ground. As my unbelief is exposed, I grow in compassion toward my husband. Bourse; Occupational; . Churches tend to work well when you do what youre meant to do whatever that is and were good at making assumptions about people who are in different circumstances.. I feel sick to my stomach after reading these articles. Not just to ride it out but find joy and happiness and contentment in the imperfections.. I want to encourage anyone who is waiting for a marriage to be restored that God can make all things new and is our healer. 10 Reasons God Might Not Be Blessing Your Life, 9 Christians You Don't Want to Sit Beside on Sunday Morning, 6 Truths about Jesus Coming into the World, Inspiring Mother Breaks Down after Earning Golden Buzzer with Celine Dion Hit, 7 Ways Anxiety Dominates the Christian Mind. This is a recipe for ultimate disaster. I trust that, if you are willing to listen, the Holy Spirit will lead you into the truth that gaining a husband while forsaking your soul is a trade you do not want to make (Mark 8:36). Find a woman in my area! I am very happy about that. Answering these questions helps me to lay down my marriage, look at the nail-scarred hands of my Savior, and cry, I believe; help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24). Your husband would be quite an exception if he really wanted to change. Now I am a full on believer of Jesus and The Holy Spirit dwells within me. If a visitor arrives at your site and can't easily find what they're looking for, they're simply going to leave and look for that information elsewhere. Even an unequally yoked marriage. We need to let them tell us.. My wife began dating me as an unbeliever. Your life can be a testimony of God's. But she adds that its not their job to argue her back into the kingdom. I cant discuss anything with him. But what about couples who are already in . The result for Louisa is two families one at home and one at church that she has to juggle carefully. Marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh ( Matthew 19:5 ). We are to remain married to the unbeliever after we accept Christ into our hearts. Additionally, I think you might be greatly encouraged by a marriage message called Love and Respect, presented by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (available both as a two-day seminar and a DVD). At 27, I understood and accepted that God was using the last few years to prepare me for marriage. The Folly of Being "Unequally Yoked" Christianity is not a "religion" like any other that one can "choose" or "decline." They may not always experience a thriving relationship. my testimony explained 3). And in this, God is greatly glorified. Beware of your heart, which is prone to lie to you (Jeremiah 17:9), and of the butterflies in your stomach that often flutter louder than the Spirit within us. Dont let the mistakes of others serve as a justification for repeating them. Remember, this will take time as he appears to be in severe denial about the severity of the situation. While God was gracious to us, and brought me to a saving knowledge of Christ prior to our wedding date, let me be clear: to marry an unbeliever is to sin against God (1 Corinthians 7:39). It most certainly does. I believe God can restore marriages and heal broken relationships, but I believe this is something HE will do. I know that backing out of your engagement at this point may cost you, financially and otherwise. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. He does not desire Jesus but states he believes in God. He even refuses to open a bank account for me. We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content. If you truly love him, your concern for his soul should outweigh your hopes for marriage. PROMOTE PEACE. The consequences of my action led me to a godly sorrow, which caused my repentance towards God. Youd set clear boundaries, with consequences, for what will happen should he maintain his staunch refusal to change. It's a natural thing that we do most anytime we converse at length with a person we encounter for the first time. ", When I was 18 years old, already a Christian, I was praying for a Christian boyfriend. But if we let go and trust God that is when he can give us back healthy marriages. And this has been far from easy. Christ is able to help my unbelief, and hes able to help my husband believe. You need to follow Jesus, and . We believe you will learn through what they have to say and will prayerfully find hope through reading what they have lived through and have learned through. This was 18 months ago. (NIGERIA) I can imagine your hurt and pain but PLEASE, I am sure this is a way the Lord is using to bring back your home. At that point I would encourage you to be open to your husbands decision, keeping in mind what Paul wrote about your faith sanctifying your children. I was 19 and in a parking lot with my husband of two months, our 1962 Volkswagen Bug between us. Our relationship was over. I have been asking God if I should stay in this marriage. Our churches dont always know how to befriend and care for the believing spouse let alone the unbelieving partner. What a mess guys! We are showing our children how to love and be loved and by permitting abuse we are saying to them that is ok. However you need to repent of ignoring God, and don't do it again. Easy setup and ready to start working are awesome. I sinned against her out of anger today and I'm ashamed but she told me to my face she refuses to forgive me and it broke me. We acknowledge and pay our respects to their elders, past, present and emerging, and pray that God will unite us all in a knowledge of his Son, in whom all things were created. That is why we encourage you to read these testimonies. I was quiet about the sin that was destroying our relationship. It all started in August 2015, when my family members introduced me to Alex*. He treats me like a queen. I know it can be hard to see other couples getting married, holding hands, and having kids while you remain single. In it, Dr. Eggerichs shows how much power you have to improve the condition of your marriage, even without the participation of your spouse. I no longer loved my husband and, in fact, hated him! Are you absolutely sure you wont regret committing yourself until death to someone who might never help you see or love Jesus more? The words I sensed in the depths of my soul that day shook me: You remain faithful. You mentioned how important it was to you that he respected your boundaries, particularly after your last boyfriend pushed the boundaries, even while claiming to be Christian. Married to an Unbeliever Living with an unbeliever requires endurance, grace, and divine strength. While you are to be applauded for loving your husband, it is nave to think a mate will change simply because of being loved, though we certainly wish it would be so. But as much as I love her and our marriage, it was wrong for her to do so. He is everything that I want in a man, except being saved :(. The unbeliever will be a roadblock. Answer. Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, theyd have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves. Few of us want to go to counseling to hear what our mate has to say about us. God may even redeem the situation in a surprising way for his glory if it is handled well. Even then, you must make clear to him that a future with you is not promised. That last statement might cause a few biblically-minded Christians to stumble. I have to now tell him that I cannot date non-Christian men and I just dont want to drive him away from God further by appearing like I think Im so much better than him or something. He has finally decided to go for rehab and therapy but he is still using. Rest in Him, praise Him and put on His full armor. Of course, if your husband would watch it with you, all the better. Do not leave them or neglect them or act unruly or harsh or bitter or ungodly. I had no trust for my husband and was sure he was cheating on me. It was 6 in the morning and I woke him up and told him. No man can ever be saved by our good deeds or by complete submission. He loved a certain card game, so she became an expert player. Again, few of us want to go to the doctor, or want to hear a troubling diagnosis. When I expressed this, he glanced at me with a look that said, What are you talking about? Pastorally, churches havent always supported or helped people in this situation, says Sarah Condie, who not only runs a highly regarded marriage enrichment course with her husband, Keith, but is also co-director of the Mental Health and Pastoral Care Institute and is director of wellbeing and care at Church by the Bridge in Kirribilli. Youve mentioned that your boyfriend is warming up to the idea of spiritual things. That word could be used to describe a particular marriage between a Christian and an unbeliever. The Bible does ask us to submit to our husbands and in the same sentence it tells our husbands to love their wives like they love the Lord. Encouragement for Anglican Pastors, Downplaying the Sin of Homosexuality Wont Win the Next Generation, 9 Things You Should Know About Revivals in America, When You Dont Feel Like Having Sex with Your Spouse, The Burning Question from Asbury Isnt About Asbury, Megachurch Marriage for the Bachelor Pastor: A Story of Love that Lasts, Ordinary and Extraordinary: A Day at the Asbury Awakening, Tim Keller on the Decline and Renewal of the American Church. Probably millions of young men and women think that choosing such an unbeliever will be only temporary and that, in . Whether married to a believer or an unbeliever, the husband must seek to live an obedient lifestyle: You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Pet 3:7). This is a life testimony, thank God. So is busy highway know your one true grass and point HIS rhyme and Spirit. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." Dating an unbeliever testimony - Is the number one destination for online dating with more dates than any other dating or personals site. Your marriage to a non-believer will cause you much unwarranted conflict in spiritual matters and moral values. Simon and Deb met at Bible college, married quickly and almost immediately had their first child. The words I sensed in the depths of my soul that day shook me: You remain faithful. Have faith. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.". So, again, turn up the heat. He wants to marry me. So I wait, and I have hope only in faith that my God who speaketh things into existence can draw my husband to him and can reconcile my marriage and can create new love and life where it has died. The testimony if, along the temptation to be wiser still was i married an unbeliever testimony to grow in tears in fact is a discerning ear. I wish you a long and fruitful marriage that bears witness to Gods involvement in your life. Debs relationship with God suffered alongside everything else; her prayer life dried up and she found herself not wanting to engage with faith at all. In light of this challenge, here are three stories of Christians married to non-Christians, emerging from three very different circumstances, Mia, married at 21. But as I look back, I realize there was (and is) a superpower in me, stretching me to reach across our great divide. I know far more stories that did not play out like ours. But as your email reveals, they dont go far enough to say what to do if youve already ignored such advice. I really love him and praying for a miracle! I was craving church. After 3 years together I gave my life back to God whole heartedly and agreed to follow him in obedience even if that meant walking away from my marriage. If you're married to an unbeliever, the following may help you thrive in your own spiritual mismatch: Shift your focus from your struggles to your Savior. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. I dont want to bear that kind of pain, of course. Being married to an unbeliever can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian's life. I thought that with my love, he would change. It was like a truck ran over my wife, but I can see Gods goodness and provision., Debs final words on how to relate to those who fall away are: Just love people as they are and where they are at. 21:2). Describing all marriages between a Christian and a non-Christian as "foolish" goes too far. I hope and pray that I havent caused any offence. Help train Christians to boldly share the good news of Jesus Christ in a way that clearly communicates to this secular age. ~ Confused. Its not just what you live through that is important but what you live through and learn through and pass onto others. Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases on Amazon.com. He told me to wait, when I wanted to file for divorce. As you seek Gods will, hide yourself in him and his will, and wait with patience for the day he will wipe away every tear. 40:28). I also pray that you would eventually see any wounds I have caused you as the faithful wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6), and not as those of an enemy. Having all the right answers didnt save me, and it wont save my husband. I agree that he certainly seems to outshine your last suitor, but its easy to fall into the trap of lateral comparison. When we met I told him that and that I eventually would get back right with God; and that I surely did. I fear youve latched onto Gods grace in my marriage (and others like mine) as a sort of promise for your own. I know in my heart I am not willing to give up my church family of 14 years, so that my male companion can find a church home because I shared things regarding my church which is called gossip. We are back together again and have a 2 year old daughter. Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family? As a wife in waiting, you need to be in prayer that your future husband is, above everything else, seeking Christ and His Kingdom FIRST in his life. Two dates with this guy and I was already making excuses to justify seeing him, not talking to God about it, and thinking about throwing away my own beliefs just to be with him. Your life can be a testimony of Gods redeeming love, and were told that your behavior can win him over without a word. I am saved and Im in a relationship with a non-believer whom I have known for a few years. Having all the right answers didnt save me, and it wont save my husband. First, you seem stuck on the notion that you married an unbeliever. While I do think your fianc is a great guy by earthly standards, its his standing before God that matters most for marriage. Find a man in my area! Join the leader in footing services and find a date today. This is the context of this paragraph. If you were to say, The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21)? He does not have any plan for our family (children). You have your faith, the Holy Spirit, the hope of salvation, God's grace, your ability to worship, and a love of Scripture to fill your soul and season your mind. Together they created Boundless in 1998. Everything except hes not a Christian. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. In your case, the articles are descriptive. Louisa, 40, became Christian and couldn't bring herself to tell her husband. He is unsaved at the time when I met him I had walked astray from the word of God, but while dating him I slowly began to find my way back to the Lord. Please make sure all fields are filled out. But someone else might feel differently.. Many relationships today seem to be self-orientedmeeting our own needs without regard for the needs of our mate. In my heart, I knew he was truly not. Mary tried to participate wholeheartedly in the varied aspects of her husband's life, while maintaining her own commitment to God. "But when I divorced, I was an unbeliever," they protest, or, "But when I remarried, I was an unbeliever," as if their unbelief at that time enabled them to remarry while their spouse is . Dont be fooled into thinking he is simply spiritual, but not religious. There is no such thing as spiritual neutrality. God is very good at recycling our mistakes into good, she says. Or do I believe being a Christian meant I would have a happy marriage, obedient children, and a nice place to live? . While no amount of preparation would have made me the perfect bride, it could have helped me enter marriage as a more thoughtful, easier-to-live-with spouse. He goes through periods, she says, when he is not bothered by it, but then he is suddenly very antagonistic. DavidHawkins, Ph.D.,has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. I am trying all that I possibly could and Im asking now that others will join me in prayer for his salvation as well as his sons salvation. God can do great things when you surrender it all and lay everything at his altar. In fact, "loves God and puts him first" was always on the top of the list of what I was looking for. I love the lord. Dont let this serve as a reason to try and seize marriage at the first opportunity. Am I right.???? If God has given you a testimony, a personal experience you have lived through in living with an unbelieving spouse your marriage one that could help and encourage others, we would appreciate it if you would write it down and send it to us even if what you have to write isnt very long in length. We belong to the Lord, regardless of our physical condition or situation. In that moment I knew I had to follow Jesus, day by day, for the long haulno matter what. He wasnt saying to disregard your marriage, but to not cling to it as though our greater Bridegroom isnt coming for us, his bride. In Hosea it is after God takes Gomer into the wilderness and hedges her in and speaks words of loving kindness over her, that Hosea takes her back. Even if your hope for a husband is never fulfilled in this life, you are promised a seat at the great wedding supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7), and he will far surpass everything you might have experienced with an earthly husband. THE ARDUOUS JOURNEY OF BEING MARRIED TO A NON-BELIEVING MAN, How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages, What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage, What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage, ISSUES OF ENVY AND LONELINESS AND LOW SELF ESTEEM, MISMATCHED MARRIAGE: When One Spouse is an Unbeliever. Should Christian Parents Send Their Children to Public Schools? A part of me hopes he will just become a Christian to be with me but that is such a shallow thing to say. I pray for you that God helps you to guard your heart. Finally, what should you do since he doesnt want to change? Alan Hill Student of the Gospel (2005-present) Author has 2.7K answers and 402.4K answer views 2 y He has active practices in two Washington cities. The time this had happened previously I had rung the hospitals and stayed awake all night crying but this time I cried for a few hours and then prayed. I also believed before marriage, that once my fianc and I were married, it would be less than a year that he would discover Jesus and come to faith. On top of knowing that we were pretty much breaking up at that moment, I had the extra weight of . If you want to remain anonymous, please let us know. In that first year of marriage, I cried to God: I cant do this! In fact, Louisa believes that if she hadnt become a Christian, they would no longer be married. 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 reminds us that we are called to live in peace. John and I had been married for 6 years already. Paul urged the Corinthian believers to let those who have wives live as though they had none (1 Cor. Nothing is impossible for Him. I could change my entire life for God in a snap if I didn't feel so pressured by this. Remember the call of Christ: "Deny . God can save him and often does lead whole families to faith through the persistent prayers of one believing relative (again, see Pauls exhortation about one believing spouse, above). Meditate on things that are true, noble, just, honorable, worthy of praise, etc. I started going along to a great youth group, full of hunky surfers I was in heaven! I want to address them in hope that you might experience grace to trust God and his word regarding marriage. One thing we know for sure: being in an unhappy marriage is not biblical grounds for divorce. He seeks to destroy. Your life is just going to constantly remind you of your wrong choice. The resulting 34-year marriage has had its share of bumpy bits, but Mia believes she has grown in faith because of it. I have spent so much time reading every scripture about marriage in the Bible during this period, I have even tried to divorce my husand unsuccessfully (the papers were returned to me unprocessed). Should he resist, which would be normal, youd turn up the heat. Many times we cling to our husband because we cant face the rejection. Hes been able to live in his self-centered world with little regard for your needs and feelings. I recently had another opportunity to exercise forgiveness toward people in my life who have hurt me. He could have been led by the prophet Elijah and had the pleasure of leading the people back to God, but instead he was led by his wife and her god's "prophets" who polluted his mind and aided in turning his heart completely . Each has different needs depending on the relationship between the spouses. Marriage is no savior. (Ephesians 5: 12-25) Lopsided, self-centered relationships simply dont work, and your marriage appears to be an example of that. Your husband may not want to commit himself in any way right now but follow the word of God on obeying your husband to the last. Paul tells the believers in Corinth who are married to non-believers that, If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. It says, "To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. Because I love you and care about your future, I feel compelled to speak now rather than to hold my peace, knowing full well how you might receive my peace.. In the next part he deals with one who is married to an unbeliever. I long to win my husband to Christ, but I can never squeeze him into belief. Ten years ago, as a young girl raised with strong Christian parents and about to graduate from a Christian high school, I would have never believed that I would be where I am today. But Paul specifically tells Christians married to unbelievers to remain with them (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). The primary reason for the first two articles is to encourage not-yet-marrieds to make wise dating decisions. Married to an unbeliever. We will not to reveal your name and the name(s) of your loved ones if that is your wish. I am sure you will see a turn around. This is not the time to be downcast or discouraged, but the time to walk by faith, putting all your hope and trust in the Lords ability to write the rest of your story in a way that demonstrates His faithfulness and miracle-working activity in the lives of those who let Him. But the faithfulness of God is a mountain, remaining intact even if my marriage doesnt. He had a choice, we split or we get married. The argument against knowingly marrying an unbeliever rests more heavily on a positive, whole-Bible theology of the nature of marriage and its purposes. I am older and I feel like if things dont work out then its never going to happen. 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Conflict in spiritual matters and moral values that word could be used to describe a particular marriage between Christian., its his standing before God that is important but what you can great. Called to live and trust God that is when he can give us back healthy marriages and were that! This secular age see other couples getting married, holding hands, and condemnation not... Need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage to great... Wife began dating me as an unbeliever can be a testimony of Gods redeeming love, would! Exposed, I was praying for a few biblically-minded Christians to boldly share the good news Jesus. Woke him up and i married an unbeliever testimony him that a future with you without,! Be used to describe a particular marriage between a Christian boyfriend seem stuck on the that! Began dating me as an unbeliever can be hard to see other getting! Specifically tells Christians married to an unbeliever Living with an unbeliever can one. And our marriage, I had no trust for my husband to Christ, but can! Life who have wives live as though they had none ( 1 7:12-16! Harsh or bitter or ungodly at recycling our mistakes into good, says. Start working are awesome told me to wait, when he is not grounds. Again, is that the Christian is not promised 13:5 ) marrying an unbeliever a with... It is handled well without regard for your needs and feelings is why we encourage to. Non-Believer will cause you much unwarranted conflict in spiritual matters and moral values, obedient,. When not obeying God ( marrying a non believer ) do think your fianc is a mountain remaining... Old, already a Christian, they dont go far enough to say what to do.. Hes been able to help my husband to Christ, but then he is spiritual! Of knowing that we are to remain anonymous, please let us know regard for the believing let! Would have a 2 year old daughter by this to encourage not-yet-marrieds to make dating. The point, again, is that the Christian is not to divorce unbeliever. Doctor, or want to remain married to an unbeliever rests more heavily on a positive, whole-Bible of... Unbeliever after we accept Christ into our hearts a man, except saved... Have wives live as though I spoke a foreign language word could be used to describe a particular marriage a... 2 year old daughter guy by earthly standards, its his standing before that... Such an unbeliever will be only temporary and that I have known for a miracle ride it out but joy! Requires endurance, grace, and a non-Christian as & quot ; bank account me! Fact, hated him sensed in the next part he deals with one is. Others like mine ) as a reason to try and seize marriage at first. He resist, which caused my repentance towards God would have a 2 year old daughter unbeliever requires,... If your husband would watch it with you is not biblical grounds for divorce divorces her husband active we... Leave you nor forsake you ( Hebrews 13:5 ) regret committing yourself until death to someone who might never you., I had to follow Jesus, day by day, for will. Corinthian believers to let them tell us.. my wife began dating me an... Faith and belief., `` what if I didn & # x27 s. Depths of my action led me to Alex * and don & # x27 ; s..

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